I woke up this morning, logged into my Reddit Relationship Advice subreddit and this was the message that jumped at me:
“Good morning Zola, I hope you are fine. My name is Esther, and I need your advice. I am a 27 years old independent woman who has been able to succeed on her own without the help of any man. Inasmuch as that is a good thing, I haven’t been able to keep a relationship for long. It was just two days ago that my fourth boyfriend this year broke up with me. I am overwhelmed this morning, and I need your help on how I can keep a relationship for a longer time.”
Reddit is a platform where various information and pieces of advice can be gotten. No doubt, the platform has helped in various instances. Even though Reddit isn’t filled with relationship experts, sometimes, you come across extremely good advice. I have found the ones that could help Esther with her current state. If she follows them, there is a high chance that she would be able to turn her situation around.
Advice #1: Be Creative when Resolving Conflict
Conflict is a major reason why many relationships don’t work. Esther might not take note, but perhaps, she doesn’t deal with resolving conflicts very well, or she doesn’t take into consideration some things that could cause the conflict.
There is this story on Reddit where the boyfriend complained that he didn’t like PDA, but his girlfriend was big on it – the issue caused conflict between them which almost led to their breakup. But he was advised on the platform to be creative about resolving the conflict. The boyfriend took the advice and he decided to hold his girlfriend’s hand in public.
He would then proceed to squeeze her hand twice which he explained to his girlfriend meant “I love you.” She would then proceed to squeeze him three times which meant “I love you too.” In the long run, they are still together for years.
Advice #2: Prioritize Communication
Another reason why many people end things up and it would seem as if they’ve got an issue is that they don’t communicate well enough. This is a phase many partners go through, and they wouldn’t fix it until it is too late.
Advice #3: Little Things Matter
Many people don’t know that the little things they do affect their partners and could end the relationship. For instance, a relationship failed because the girlfriend always left the toilet seat up which irritated the boyfriend.
Advice #4: Appreciate your Partner
Another Reddit relationship advice is that partners in a relationship should learn how to appreciate each other. Most people won’t say it, but a lot of people like being appreciated. If they aren’t appreciated in a relationship, they might just leave.
Advice #5: Make Each Other Happy
Many relationships have fallen to pieces because a party doesn’t make the other party happy. In a relationship, you should make your partners happy. For instance, a woman was able to keep her relationship because she followed her husband to the NBA games which meant everything to him, but was intolerable for her.
Advice #6: Take on Money Problems Together
This is one of the intriguing Reddit relationship advice. Many people have lost their relationships due to different grounds on money issues. There was one relationship that failed because the girlfriend was brought up in a way that men are supposed to provide for women. People on Reddit advised the boyfriend to leave her because it was certain that she wouldn’t change. Take on money issues together as a team.
Men don’t like to talk about it, but they find it exhilarating when their girlfriends try to share the bill with them or try to pay for the food. Sharing bills shows commitment on another level. It is something that most African men silently pray for.
Advice #7: Me Time
As much as being together with your partner is important, being away from them is equally important. “Proximity breeds contempt” is a popular saying that remains true to this day. No matter how much you love your partner, me-time is very important to stay away from your partner. Relationships have broken because the guy or the girl complained that their partners are too clingy.
On Reddit for instance, a man took a piece of relationship advice to dump his girlfriend because she was always with him, and would even visit him at his place of work which embarrassed him a lot—she was obsessively clingy. Me time is as equally important as time together. It helps you to reaccess your relationship and know if it is really what you want.
Advice #8: Be Gentle in your Approach
If you want to advise or correct your partner, you should do it gently so as not to come off as rude or even abusive. I read Reddit relationship advice where a woman was told to leave her boyfriend because he always shouted at her whenever she offended him which scared her. Be gentle in your approach, even when you are as mad as a bull, take it easy.
Advice #9: Know what Turns your Partner On and Off
There was one time I was going through Reddit and came across a situation where the girlfriend said she was always scared of her boyfriend when they argue. A user answered by saying she should learn her partner’s sweet words—what turns them on. The guy explained that when he’s arguing with his girlfriend, and it is getting heated, his girlfriend would kiss him on the neck to relax him.
Advice #10: Be Outspoken
Another Reddit relationship advice that I found interesting is to always speak your mind. Some people do not speak out their minds in a relationship. They keep enduring until their breaking point. Sadly, their partner don’t even know that they are hurting them. For instance, there was a story similar to this that I read on Reddit.
The boyfriend was jealous of the girlfriend’s male bestie and didn’t speak up about it. Because of the jealousy, he started snooping around the boy and behaving awkwardly around the girl. This ultimately led to the death of the relationship which could have been saved by a simple “I feel a little bit jealous of your bestie.”
Advice #11: Listen
Some relationships have ended because one partner did the talking and the other did the listening. There was an instance like that on Reddit. The man was listening more and the girl was doing the talking. It got to a point it started feeling like she was nagging. Eventually, the man could no longer take it. He sought advice on reddit and the majority told him to leave her to protect his sanity.
Advice #12: Ask Questions
Now, you shouldn’t just listen in a relationship, you should ask questions as well. By asking questions, your partner would know that you understand what they are saying and you are actually listening to them. There was an instance similar to this on Reddit. A guy complained that his girlfriend always turned into a lifeless zombie when he started speaking, and he couldn’t take it anymore. If the girl had asked more questions about what he talked about, perhaps he would have seen her as more enthusiastic.
Advice #13: Give Gifts
Many people would say they are not big on gifts, but quickly accept when given. Getting gifts for your partner even if they told you that they don’t mind is a sign that you love them. Also, giving them gifts makes them feel appreciated and loved. Perhaps, you can get gifts for your anniversary or just to tell them you love them. Getting gifts for your partner makes them feel wanted.
Advice #14: Hug
Some Reddit relationship advice simply hit like insane till you sit back and think about it. It was there that I learned about hugging helping in the “release of happy hormones”. If your partner is angry or having a bad day, instead of you staying aloof of them, go to them, cheer them up and embrace them. It makes them feel loved. Hug it out.
Advice #15: Little Sweet Actions
Most times, people in a relationship do sweet things when they have messed up, or about to mess up which shouldn’t be. If you want your partner to feel loved, do things that are adorable when they least expected. I learned from going through the views of various Reddit users that the smallest actions often makes the most impact.
Advice #16: Be There When Needed
Today, a lot of people make promises that don’t really come from their hearts. Therefore, they easily break them. Also, it has become easier for people to make excuses when they are needed. However, those that show up when you need them are priceless. Every relationship needs that person—and you should be one.
There was a situation similar to this one on Reddit where a girl was going through a mental breakdown, and her boyfriend wasn’t there because he had NFL to watch. She broke up with him immediately. When you show up for people in their times of need, it gives a priceless comfort that words cant explain.
Advice #17: Be Happy
It is not your duty to make your partner happy or be in search of someone to make you happy. You should go into a relationship happy and share that happiness with your partner. If you are constantly looking for someone to make you happy, there is a huge chance that you will always end up in a messy heartbreak. Likewise, if you are in a relationship where you are doing your best to share your happiness with your partner and they are not reciprocating, pack up and leave. Well, that is one of the common reddit relationship advice.
Some Reddit relationship advice are priceless while others are simply crazy. You should know which to pick and which to avoid. The first thing that you need to understand that relationship is not one-cap-fits-all. Every relationship is unique and you need to find what works for your partner. Perhaps, if Esther applies som of these pieces of advice, she should be able to keep her next relationship longer than she had. Perhaps, she has some personal flaws she needs to work on. Sadly, she is seeing the problem in her partner and neglecting the ones she is carrying. See you next time.