I never believed in love at first sight until I met my wife at a conference in London. The first time we met, she was like a walking portrait; tall, witty, and sexy. Everything seemed perfect and we got married a year ago after dating for six months. Shortly after our wedding, I was transferred to manage a branch of our company in London where I spent six months before returning to New York where we live. The distance was challenging at first but we tried to stay in touch. However, since I came back, my wife has been cold and communication has been sketchy.
After a stressful day and the long commute from work, she comes home tired and then sleeps off. This routine is affecting our communication and our sex life. I think the stress is slowly affecting our marriage. After the challenges our relationship passed through when I traveled, I am afraid we are gradually sliding into the kind of routine that threatens the love we once shared. At the moment, it appears I am losing my wife, slowly. Zola, do you think my wife is seeing someone else or am I being paranoid? What can I do to reignite the love in our relationship?
Getting married to someone you love is such a beautiful thing but sustaining the love in the relationship is the real deal. Long-lasting love begins as a feeling and crystallizes as commitment. From your letter, I don’t think your wife is seeing someone else. She probably has become used to your absence and her busy schedule makes it difficult to integrate you back into her life. It appears you have to lure her drifting attention back.
I have counseled a lot of couples going through similar challenges in the past. One secret that has worked is setting couple goals. It helps you to break away from the routine and add a spark to your life. Remember how you were excited when you were dating? The excitement stemmed from the fact that you could hardly predict what comes next. Below are a few couple goals that can help spice things up in your relationship.
#1. Let the Chasing Continue
First off, I will advise you to chase your partner. That both of you are married does not guarantee that the love will last. You have to keep wooing her, mesmerizing her, and fascinating her with love even after marriage. Send her flowers. Find ways of helping her out so you can make time available for both of you. The one thing that helps good relationships stand the test of time. Chasing is one of the most fruitful couple goals to make the partners fall in love afresh. Become your partner’s best friend, flirt with them, and create vibes that build anticipation.
#2. Speak Your Partner’s Love Language
You have to find out what your partner’s love language is. Be intentional about understanding and speaking this language. According to Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, if your partner loves receiving gifts, learn the art of thoughtful gifting. It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift, but your partner will appreciate the fact that you have them in mind. Consequently, one important couple goals you can try in this regard is to see who would outdo the other in gifting.
When you understudy your partner, you can connect with them based on their love language. Communication is the foundation for the success of every relationship. It eliminates assumptions and gives each partner the assurance that they are loved and valued.
#3. Plan Exciting Date Nights
When you’ve got her attention back, take turns to plan exciting date nights. If one partner loves to go to the Cinemas, the partner can choose the movie and plan out the nitty-gritty of the night to make it memorable. You can decide to plan a dance night. After all, a little dancing after a stressful day can serve as food for the body and spice for the soul. When you take turns to plan out your date nights, it breeds creativity and activates the creative juice in your relationship. This is one of the couple goals that creates competition and boosts creativity and relaxation.
#4. Meditate Together
Find time to meditate with your partner. Use the meditation moment as the right opportunity to detoxify your mind, declutter, and ask your partner what you can do to make them feel better. This can help restore your mental calmness as you take turns communicating your commitment to each other. Meditation can help you transform your minds and reveal ways you could treat each other better. There’s nothing more beautiful than being on the same page with your partner.
#5. Become Learning Lovers
There’s nothing more beautiful than having minds that resonate with learning. When you and your partner make out time to learn and discuss something, you expand your capacity to live, love, and create your realities. Having a goal of constant and never-ending self-improvement will position you in the top 1 percent in your industry. It is even more beautiful when you’re not leaving your partner behind as you grow. You can decide to recommend courses for each other or take courses together in the direction where you’d like to expand your learning.
#6. Take Fun Trips Together
Finding time to relax together is one of the most valuable couple goals. Having a getaway experience can inject your relationship with the maximum cruise it deserves. It doesn’t have to be an expensive trip or some luxury experience. Luxury is in the mind. Travel according to your budget but let that include trips to where you intentionally make memories that will last. This will give you an exclusive couple experience
#7. Keeping it Real
Keeping things real is one sure way of getting your partner’s love and trust. Don’t just tell her about your love, let your actions reflect your words. Things may not always be as rosy as you plan but commit to being real to your partner. Being vulnerable to your partner can transform your weakness into strength. In the midst of all this, keep things real and true, slow and steady, fast and slow. Let your partner know that no matter what happens you’ll always have their back.
#8. Spice Up Your Sex Life
Creativity is not exclusive to people working in tech hubs. You can spice up your sex life by asking your partner to talk about what they want in the bedroom. Perhaps, your sex life is becoming boring, you can make a bet the most creative gets a prize. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. The prize can be that the other partner does all the house chores for a day. Use communication to free your mind of the inhibitions that can stop you from enjoying the moment. Obviously, there is no limit to creativity when setting couple goals.
#9. Plan Game Nights Together
Game time is always a fun time. Thankfully, there are many exciting games you can play to maximize the fun. Just like date nights, game nights planned together can be a great way to foster bonds among couples. The games can be physical or virtual, indoor or outdoor. However, never allow any game to be a routine. Find out what kind of games your partner loves to play and make the fun come alive.
Love is usually measured not by how much you can take but by how much you can give. When it comes to relationships, we should never stop fighting for the ones we love. While these couple goals will give you a headstart, I must say they are not all. Be creative and come up with your own goals because every relationship is unique. Good luck as you work towards reinventing the spark in your relationship. See you in the next episode.