Ask Zola: How Do I Know If My Man Is Seeing Someone Else?
“My husband and I have been in love and married for three years. We’ve always been close and never hide anything from each other. However, recently he avoids talking to me. He comes home and goes to bed almost immediately after dinner. Whenever I try to speak to him about it, he dismisses me or gets angry and scolds me telling me to stop nagging. I had a terrible day yesterday. He has always known when something is wrong with me, but these days, he doesn’t seem to notice or care anymore.
Last week, I had my hair done and made some nice dinner. He didn’t comment on any of it. I asked if we could have sex that night, but he pushed me away. To add to this, he no longer says he loves me, hugs me, or kisses me. I feel lonely, and this relationship is beginning to feel toxic. He recently began nitpicking every single thing I do. Also, he is irritable and complains about things that didn’t bother him before, like the amount of time I take in the shower. Some of my friends have been telling me he may be seeing someone else. Could it be true? What should I do?”
I got this message recently and realized that a lot of women are in a relationship where their partners are not faithful. However, without concrete proof, they are left wondering if their partner is seeing someone else. Whichever the case, no woman should suffer or endure being in a toxic relationship. Such relationships are physically and mentally damaging. So, to avoid that, you need to be vigilant. There are a few warning signs that may suggest that your partner is no longer faithful.
So, is he Cheating? How do you tell?
Relationships are delicate and, as such, require effort from both parties to ensure it remains healthy and mutually beneficial. They need trust, cooperation, and, most importantly, love. A great enemy of this is infidelity. Infidelity upsets the balance of a relationship, causing toxicity and pain. Being such a sensitive issue, it is prudent to ensure your gut feeling is accurate before taking any drastic measures.
However, your suspicions are not baseless as your husband is showing the most common signs of unfaithfulness, such as avoiding intimacy, lack of interest in sex, being overly defensive, and picking fights. However, this does not mean you should jump to conclusions without concrete proof. He may just be going through emotional stress at work which he doesn’t want to share.
Signs of a Cheating Man
In addition to what you’ve already pointed out, you need to look out for other signs. Some of them include a change in daily routine. Does he come home later or leave earlier? Is he out more often and hops into the shower immediately he gets home? Does he smell of a different cologne from what you have at home? If he does, pack your bags girly, or tell him to pack his. Also, has he developed a new commitment to looking better in terms of appearance? Did he join a gym or start wearing different clothes or maybe get a new haircut? He may be preparing for date-night. Perhaps, not with you.
Does he need more privacy than before? Does he leave his phone when leaving a room? Is he extra vigilant when using his phone around you? Obviously, he isn’t hiding a surprise package he just ordered from Amazon. Does he not talk about his life with you as often as before? Or does he give hostile answers to stop you from continuing the conversation? If so, he may be avoiding exposing himself accidentally.
Look out for changes in his financial habits
Men are naturally designed to spend lavishly on anyone they love. If he starts hiding his bank statements, receipts, that is a huge red flag. Is his spending habits suddenly more extravagant? That money is going somewhere, but certainly not you. Has he excluded you from his social life? An unfaithful partner will likely keep you away from their friends as most friends may be aware of the infidelity.
How does he speak of the future? When he speaks of his plans are you involved or is the topic centered on him and his desires? If that’s the case, better prepare to plan for your future too. Your intuition is mostly correct, and the better you know a person, the more accurate your intuition about them will be. Having been with your husband for three years, you’re more likely to sense not only the changes you have but also the cause of such, whether cheating or otherwise. What does your gut say? Pay attention to it!
What do you do if he is Cheating?
Before anything else, you have to accept that you cannot control a cheating man. However, you can manage the way you react to his behavior. Focus on bringing positive energy back into the relationship and rekindle the love and trust you had. This will most likely get him to open up on the source of the rift.
However, if you make all these efforts and his behavior persists or worsens, it may be a case of a toxic relationship. Consider relationship counseling or separation. My heart aches for you if your suspicions are accurate. Thankfully, you are not to blame for his infidelity. In case of a breakup, you will need a new routine to start your healing journey.
Recovering from a Toxic Relationship
Surround yourself with supportive people, occupy yourself with exciting projects and hobbies. One toxic relationship is not the end of your love story. Take action to save your life before it’s too late. If you try amending it and everything fails, consider walking away. Only those that are alive get the opportunity to rewrite their stories. All the best!