THE CASE OF JON

“I have a huge problem. My wife has lost interest in intimacy and sex ever since we got married and had our first child who is no 9 months old. No matter how much I try to talk about it with her or address any issues she might have, she refuses to entertain the subject. “Is that all you can think about?” is all she will say and walk away.  It seems she doesn’t care about how I feel about it.  Do I have the right to cheat?  I love my wife but I also have needs. I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with no intimacy.  I feel really guilty about it, but something’s telling me I have earned the right. I had no idea my wife would be this way about sex, and it just kills me. It even puts me in a bad mood sometimes.” – Jon

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Many women want to be wooed still with gifts and treats that cost money. Men do not want to carry the load of covering household bills on their shoulders alone. And if asked the criteria required for settling down, many men and women will require a partner who earns a certain minimum.

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We’ve heard it from Oprah and many others “If he hits you once, he will hit you again” but how true is that? Can a domestic abusive person change for the better? We would like for you to weigh in on this discussion.

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When President Elect Obama stated that he personally considers marriage to be between a man and woman,and supports civil unions that confer comparable rights rather than gay marriage, I was in total agreement. At some point, I understood gay to be the exception not the rule but lately, not only is being gay a natural state of affairs, it is now on television, in movies and everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I am not homophobic. I know my share of gay people and they are decent, loving people. Being gay is a sexual preference but I don’t think that preference should require me to redefine the natural state of things. So if someone decides to marry their dog (not that I am equating a gay person to a dog), should there be any opposition to that? If gay marriage is so right then why is polygamy wrong? I see this going beyond marriage to many other things. Once the rubicon has been crossed where do we stop? Polygamy? Man wanting to marry his dog? Any disagreement on my part is equated to wickedness and seen as a desire to deny others their civil rights and their right to be happy. But I refuse to cower.

Will I want my children to be taught in school that marriage is an institution between 2 individuals whether they are same sex or opposite sex? Not at all. I am not ready for that. And then there is the issue of adoption but I won’t open up that can of worms.

I am not some religious fanatic. I consider myself a liberal on so many issues but this is one issue that I simply cannot accept. I am still stomped that South Africans accept gay marriage. I did not learn about it until now. How did that happen? If it were not for the strong fight that some who share my beliefs on this issue had put up to protect the integrity of marriage as I have known it, I will still be in the dark. All of a sudden we have to defend what a marriage and family means? I know I am tolerant of people different from me. I do not sum up an individual and fit them in a box. I give everyone a chance but I refuse to minimize the importance of the union of the opposite sex and introducing a new kind of union as part of the status quo. I insist that anything same sex is the exception.

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