Discussion: Can a domestic abusive person change for the better?
March 13, 2009 by Dtiyah
We’ve heard it from Oprah and many others “If he hits you once, he will hit you again” but how true is that? Can a domestic abusive person change for the better? We would like for you to weigh in on this discussion.
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I think it is unfair to say that. If someone is abusive and they go seek help, then they have a chance to become better. But if we say that they will do it again and again then that means that they have no chance of reform.
I like to believe that people evolve and for those who acknowledge they have a problem and sincerely seek out help with a commitment to improve, they can. Problem is that many abusive persons, both men and women do not believe they are abusive. They usually place the responsibility for their behaviour on everyone else but themselves.
I don’t think that if someone hits you once he will hit you again.I think the same applies to a cheater .”Once a cheater is not always a cheater” in my opinion.Ofcourse everyone is not the same ,for some people ,they go and get help and thats the end of the violence.Others don’t change .Regarding the CB and Rih Rih situation ,I feel that CB may not abuse Rih again only because of the fact that he knows that his career may be over after that .
people CAN change.
the problem is people DON’T change.
it’s not even about the person. it might be about the situation, the enviornment, and/or the other person involved. too many women think men will change. if someone shows you who they are, why wouldn’t you believe them?
Shay I like what you said, sometimes it’s also about the environment. It’s like taking your recoverying alcoholic freind to a frat house.
About Rihanna and Christ Brown…I still stand on my opinion that there is more to this story than what we know. I have heard everyone but Rihanna’s version of the story. Until I hear her POV, all I will do is wish them the best in mending their relationships and careers. There is no smoke without fire. I need to know her POV so I can make an honest unbiased statement about it….For all you know there is something bigger at work here and maybe out of love for how bad things might be for rihanna if the real truth of the whole situation came out…he is taking the wrap for everything and leaving it as that.
People don’t just wake up one day and decide that they are going to be abusive. It is something that goes very deep than people realize. If you look at it, most people who hit their other halves, had beaten another one before.I’m not saying they can’t change, but they will have to undergo one form of therapy or another.
Being abusive is as bad as being addicted to drugs. Yes it is true that such people inflict pain on others but the truth is they need help just like everybody else.
An abusive person in my opinion has a void which has to be filled by society’s help therefore instead of rejecting and critizing such we should step up and talk about ways of helping the abused and the abusers as well.
The next point i would like to make is this,an abusive person is never doomed to strike again and again. They will abviously do it repeatedly unless they are helped,and they can only be helped when they enter the box of self realization and acceptance of what they are doing and how it is affecting people around them.
If you are a victim then you need to do what you need to do to help this person stop.
Do not try to take the blame for anything or fall for any explainations after the fact. Ones you do that you have created a leeway for further abuse.
Sometimes tough love helps people realize what they are doing wrong and how it affects others.
Help someone you know who is a victim of abuse but most importantly seek ways of stopping and abuser.
We should also note that domestic abuse is not only limited to physical abuse.
There are different forms of abuse like
Emotional abuse
Verbal Abuse
Some people are suffereing from such everyday but they go unnoticed because nobody sees the scars or broken bones. Bottomline abuse is abuse therefore we should come together help each other.
I was hit recently by my husband of 12 years and he has always treated me with respect but did have jealousy issues as well as low self estemm. I am a working mother of 2 and love to stay home. Why did he do this? i still ask myself this question. He never acted like he did that night ever. Yes he was drinking but he has drank before and was never violent to me. We are separated and he is seeking help. He doesnt remember anything except that we were at a picnic prior to the incident. I cant say i believe him but he was not my husband that night at all. His face was different, his actions were different. I want to know if he continues to get help can he change? I think he is bipolar because at times he is very happy and then at times he is moody. Can bipolar not going undiagnosed cause a man to become abuse?